HOW TO DATE A COLLEAGUE

Let’s face it, we spend more or less 8 hours a day at our jobs, which is a massive amount of time. That means the chances we find someone we like at the office is pretty high.

But is dating a colleague a good idea? Not always. Although it could be inevitable, you really do need to be careful when you date someone you work with – the aftermath of a breakup or even drama during the relationship can cause emotional issues that drip down into your work. I myself have dated a colleague, and it actually went pretty smoothly (for the most part).

If it is unavoidable, and you fall for someone you work with, then here are the 5 ways to date a colleague and make it work.

1.       Have some distance

As much as you can, try not to date someone you work directly with – by that I mean someone in your small team, and especially not your boss (make sure you check company policies). Try dating someone on a different floor within your building, or someone from another department. That way they are close, but not too close.

If you date someone you directly work with, the decisions you make and they make can be impacted by the feelings you have towards each other. Not to mention that seeing them every minute of every day can get exhausting and feel like you don’t have personal space. Try to find someone on your floor whose work has nothing to do with yours, but you get to look at them like eye candy whenever you feel the need.

When you want, you can get coffee or go to lunch – or even go home together and not raise any questions. You want to feel safe where you work and not have to worry about what others are saying about your dating life.

2.       Keep it private

Keeping your relationship private is something I cannot stress enough. The minute people find out about who you two are dating, they will start asking questions. Granted, some people like the attention, but at the beginning of the relationship when everything is new, it really does make it easier to keep everything to yourself.

My ex and I would never speak in the office or show signs that we were together. When we wanted to go to lunch together, we would text a time to meet, and go down on separate elevators and then walk to lunch together. This may sound a bit extreme, but it really allowed us to get to know each other first without questions being asked. However, that quickly took a turn because on our first public Saturday date night we ran into not one, but three different colleagues. After that the privacy was limited. Enjoy it while it lasts….anyways sneaking around can be fun and create excitement. We loved texting each other dirty messages throughout the day knowing how close we were to each other but couldn’t show any PDA in public.

3.       Create rules

In any relationship, rules are good to have. But when you date a colleague, rules are even more crucial. There are many things to think about that can actually negatively impact your relationship, and they should be discussed beforehand so everyone is on the same page. Here are a few questions/topics you should discuss and create rules for:

• Do you acknowledge each other in the office?

• How many times a week do you have lunch?

• Do you show up/leave the office together?

• What information do you share with fellow colleagues about the relationship?

• If there is a disagreement on something work related, how will it be handled?

• What if people find out about the relationship?

• How much/to what degree do you discuss work at home?

• What happens if you break up?

With my ex, we agreed we would not talk about our relationship, or come into the office or leave together. We had lunch together once or twice a week, but allowed time to eat with our other colleagues as well. We also kept our relationship as private as possible and tried to show no signs of being together. We had the discussion early on and made our expectations clear with each other. It is important that both parties are on the same page and that you agree on how to handle the relationship.

4.       Separate work and play

This may seem obvious, but when you work with someone, and date them at the same time, the lines of work and play can be blurred. First, make sure you don’t always take your work home with you. It can be really easy to talk to a colleague about work because they actually understand what you are saying. My ex and I made the mistake of talking about our work way too much and it had a negative impact on our relationship. Try to create rules (point three) on how much you will bring work home with you.

Also, make sure that you spend quality time together outside of work. It may seem like working together means you spend a lot of time together, but there is a difference between spending time together and spending quality time together. Go on date nights, do fun activities, or just chill at home WITHOUT discussing work. It will really help keep a happy balance in the relationship.

5.       Have an exit plan

No one wants to think of breaking up, but like with all things in life, I believe you always need an exit strategy. This can be quite personal or hard to talk about, so it might be that you create this strategy with yourself. Although, it is always better if both parties are on the same page. Some topics to consider:

• How will you communicate after the breakup?

• What will you tell your colleagues?

• Can you date other people at the office after?

• Will one of you look for another team/position/company to work for?

• Are there certain areas of the office off limits to the other? For ex. a certain kitchen?

These are often very uncomfortable topics, but very important to ensure you have a plan in case things fall through – as my favorite expressions says, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

When my ex and I broke up, I avoided the back entrance of the building as I knew he would come in there. I also knew when he was coming and going so I always made sure to come and leave the office at different times. Our situation is unique because he usually works in our other office across town, but when we first broke up and he was going to be in our office, he let me know, so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. We also made sure to keep the breakup private and not share any details.

I won’t lie, if we go back to the office (we are on home office due to COVID) it might be hard to see him if he is in the office, but because of our rules and space we gave each other, it makes it  a lot less painful.

We hope you enjoyed this post! For relationship coaching on this topic, or any other, please reach out to us here or at doubletake.lifestyle@yahoo.com.