HOW TO DATE UNDER QUARANTINE

So we have actually gotten to the point of this epidemic where we can only date online, and are asked to not interact with people in person…a month ago I was complaining about how hard it is to meet someone in person, and now we have no choice but to create our new relationships solely online.

Dating online and through apps can be tough for some people (read our post here on why I used Tinder) – What do you talk about? What questions do you ask? How do you keep the other person interested? How do you keep a conversation going for (maybe) weeks on end before you can meet them in person?

Getting to know people on dating apps is hard enough as it is, but this lockdown situation really makes it a pain. So how can you manage to date in this (entirely) digital world and actually make it work? Here are 5 tips for your dating app success during the coronavirus lockdown.

1.       Pictures, pictures, pictures

So the first step to online dating is creating a profile and adding pictures! The type and quality of the pictures are really important. Make sure they are good quality, and that you are clearly visible in all of them. I recommend anywhere from 3-7 pictures, and here are the 3 types of pictures you should definitely include, plus bonus do’s and don’t’s:

• Face picture – this is a picture of your face, WITHOUT sunglasses on. People want to see your eyes, your skin, and your face structure. Selfies are appropriate here.

• Full body picture – this is not about showing yourself in a bathing suit, but it is important to show how you really look! No one likes showing up to a first date and being surprised at how the other person looks. No need to deceive anyone here – the more upfront you are at the beginning, the better. This way you will only attract those who are actually really attracted to you!

• Smile picture – If a man does not have a picture of himself smiling – then I automatically swipe left (no match). It’s not necessarily about teeth (although for some people that’s important, and that’s okay!) but it’s about seeing the person happy. Seeing someone smile is much more attractive and really gives off good vibes.

• Additional pictures – this is where you can include pics of yourself with friends or traveling – to show off your lifestyle

• What to avoid – Avoid pictures of yourself with flashy jewelry, cars, or expensive watches. It really is such a turnoff, and let’s be real, no one really cares about that shit in a lockdown.

2.       How to start a conversation

So you have created your profile and you have matched with someone – yay! To be honest, as a woman I typically wait for the man to write first, but it’s just personal preference (I need to be pursued to feel like a real woman). I think it is totally OKAY for a woman to write to a man first. When a man or woman writes first, I recommend asking a question or giving a compliment based on something in their profile – whether that’s a comment about them being bilingual, a photo of their dog, or how beautiful their smile is. The fact that you made the effort to really look at their profile, and say more than just “Hi”, really goes a long way for a first message. Some examples:

Hey Jane! What kind of dog do you have?

Hi Matt :) Your pictures are really cool! What location is the one with the sunset?

Hi Princeton :) You have a really beautiful smile

3.       How to keep it going

One of you has reached out, and the other responded – yay! Now you actually have to keep the conversation going – so how do you do that? I truly believe this is the time to ask all those random, intriguing, bizarre questions that you would normal wait to ask someone until you are under the influence, laying on some couch, with florescent lights shining around the room (hello college parties). Grab a glass of your favorite beverage if helpful :) There should be no taboos here. Here are some examples of questions I love to ask when talking to someone new on a dating app:

• What is the craziest thing you have ever done? (guys LOVE this question).

• If you could travel to one place in the world tomorrow, where would you go?

• If money was no object, what would your dream job be?

• If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

• What are your greatest strengths?

• What are your weaknesses?

• If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

• What is the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery?

In terms of ensuring you keep the conversation going, try to alternate between responding quickly, and leaving 1-2 hours of time to respond. That way you can spread the conversation over several days. Also, don’t get into the habit of “signing off” and saying goodnight, or good morning. When you go to bed, just don’t respond to their last message, and respond as if nothing happened when you wake up. That way the interesting conversation cycle doesn’t break, and you can pick back up where you left off.

When you feel like a topic is fading, find a new question to throw in! Or better yet, play 21 questions: that’s where one of you asks a random question, the other answers, and then you switch off asking each other questions. It makes for a really intriguing conversation. Keep tabs on the different answers you found interesting, or even write them down – and when the game is over then you can go back to those topics. Once I played this game with a guy for 3 days straight and it was so entertaining!

4.       When to move onto a different platform

If you have ever used a dating app, you know that chatting through there is not super convenient. But the question is, when is it time to move onto a different platform? The answer is: when you are ready. I would recommend waiting at least 2-3 days, and have a long conversation before moving to another platform, so you can make sure you actually like them. Once you move away from the confined bubble of the dating app, they will know your full name and be able to search you on all social media platforms, so it is important to be prepared.

I would also recommend waiting for the other person to suggest moving to a different platform, and this is why: because then you can say something along the lines of “sure, give me your full name and I will write to you on XXX platform”. This gives you the opportunity to first stalk them on social media and make sure they are really who they say they are, and that you actually like them based on any additional information you find. And don’t feel bad about stalking – it is totally normal to want to get to know the other person better, and check them out – and if someone you are talking to has a problem with that, then they need to be deleted immediately!

And since we are at the point where we are not meeting in person for (potentially) weeks on end, use this opportunity to FaceTime and send photos to each other (for sexy photos don’t show private parts or you face – just a tip to ensure your privacy later on)! Not only will this keep the other interested, but it builds a stronger connection. Also on FaceTime or video chat, you can better see the person, what they look like, and their reactions – which will help you determine if you really like them besides just the way they chat.

5.       What topics to hit before a physical meet-up

Due to the virus, meeting in person is a no-go at this point. But let’s all pray that this ends soon and we have some in-person dates to look forward to! So, before you meet someone on a first date, there are several things you should do or know about them beforehand

Stalk them on social media: you should know their first and last name, and have been able to find them on social media. You want to make sure you are not being deceived in any way and that they are who they say they are

• Chemistry: you need to have had at least 2-3 days of continuous conversation, and I would recommend having had a FaceTime or video chat session! No point in wasting your time on a date unless you really like what they bring to the table. Make sure you enjoy the conversations, that the humor and sarcasm level is on par, and that the conversations are two-sided – meaning both of you are giving equal effort to the conversation

• Taboo topics: Religion, sex and politics are considered taboo topics, and although I would advise to stay away from them, if you have really strong feelings in any direction, then you need to feel it out with the other person. For example, I am super liberal and couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t support gay marriage, so when I dated two summers ago, I went to the pride parade, and mentioned it to the guys I was talking to. Based on that I could see their reaction and see how they really felt about those given topics – there were definitely some homophobes and I had to say bye Felicia!

• Expectations: before you meet someone, you need to know what their expectations are, and by that I mean are they just looking for a hookup or do they actually want something more serious? This is something that most people will be upfront with, but it is always good to clarify at the beginning. Actually, most of the guys I have talked to have always asked me at the beginning – shocker!

Hope this was helpful! Once we are getting to the end of this quarantine, I will write a post about meeting in person!

For free 1-1 coaching sessions and support during this time, you can reach us here or email us at doubletake.lifestyle@yahoo.com.