THE FEAR OF STARTING OVER PLUS 5 TIPS ON HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR DOUBTS
MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN - DIANA, VICTORIA & CHRISTOPHER
Let me start out by saying how much I love and adore my three incredible kids and how thankful I was for the opportunity to stay at home raising them - being there to witness all of the important milestones throughout their young lives and watching them grow into fantastic young adults!
THE “CARPOOL”
But… and yes there is a BUT. From the moment you decide to stay at home to raise your children, the thought is constantly in the back of your mind: perhaps you are missing out on a very important part of adult life – going back to work and building an exciting career, becoming someone important rather than just becoming a professional “mom”. It does not matter how many inspirational articles you read on the lifelong impact you make on your children’s lives….It does not matter how convincingly you stare into your mirror each morning giving yourself a pep talk to survive another day of dirty diapers and books without words, trying to gather your strength to handle your smart-mouth and hormonal teenagers without seriously physically injuring someone. It makes you reevaluate or question your choice. You see your spouse leaving every morning and you try not to scream: “Please don’t leave me here, take me with you!!!”
Instead, you get up each morning with a smile, pile everyone in the car and start your day shuffling the kids around, making meals, doing laundry, squeezing in a workout, getting supplies for the newest school project the teachers think you will enjoy doing with your unhelpful kids, (which, btw, we really hate), and trying to get dinner ready between more pick-ups and drop-offs at soccer fields, volleyball gyms and dance classes. You get through dinner and cleanup and it is still not your time to crawl into bed because your oldest needs a ride home from the high school dance. It is midnight and you are sitting in your pajamas and cozy robe in your car looking around to see all the half-asleep parents around you and wonder: what happened to your life? Do you have a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out)?
26 years has gone by and your last one just graduated high school. Your Fear of Missing Out is turning into a Fear of Starting Over. What are you going to do with your life? Are you supposed to have a plan? Are you ready to go back to being a full time employee? Do you prefer to work part time? What do you put down on your resume as occupation for the last two decades? Homemaker? Room mom? Field trip coordinator? Soccer coach? Sounds lame, as your kids pointed out numerous times, staring at you in disbelief when you tell them that you actually held several jobs before they took your life over - you were once one of those women who dressed up pretty and strutted to work each morning in 5-inch heels, full of hope, ready to make a difference in this world. But now you are “just” a mom. You feel old and out of touch. You are afraid of not having the knowledge or expertise to compete in today’s competitive work environment. You are thinking of doing something on your own, a small business perhaps, a fun venture while making your own money, but you fear you are not good enough.
PHOTO SHOOT FOR OUR NEW BUSINESS
Let’s face it, it is extremely scary to start over. I have been struggling with figuring it out myself. Diana and I started a small business together which we feel very passionate about, but I get up every morning full of doubt. Doubting myself, my abilities, thinking of what others think of my work, my writing. Will I ever make it and be able to fully support myself from our business while doing something I love, or would I have to break down and take a job I do not really want? I envy young people for their confidence, their ‘no-fear-approach’ to the future. I am trying really hard to overcome the anxiety of starting a new life, to make something of myself besides being the “perfect” mom to three beautiful and amazing children.
Despite some negative emotions, looking back on my life, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to stay at home raising my kids, being the mom they could always depend on. Being the kind of mom who would spend hours at Home Depot with strange men getting the rubber-band car project perfect so we would score an ‘A’ with my first born. Then smartly recycling that car for the middle child, for another ‘A’! 6 years later with my last baby, the goal was making a crappy looking car that would make at least the required distance, nothing more! I do not think we got an ‘A’. Sorry physics teachers!
My kids are my world. They are incredible young adults now who I adore. My heart is full with the love and respect I have for them. They are done, even though a mother’s job is never done. Now it is time to let the fear go and take charge to become the woman I am meant to be!
Here are 5 tips on how to start over and let go of your insecurities and fear of starting over:
‘WORK’ DINNER
Get a pep talk
Get a pep talk from your, now grown-up, kids (not your teenagers though, they don’t really like you just yet, thinking you are rather ancient and not exactly smart). The adult children are the ones who know you the best. You raised them to become amazing adults, you can trust their, at times, brutally honest opinion or advice. They are aware of your strengths and weaknesses and will not sugarcoat it. They believe in you and your abilities and their unapologetic approach to their life will empower and inspire you to build your self confidence.
Identify your strengths
Start making a list of your favorite activities, what makes you smile and brings you enjoyment in your life. Also make a note of what makes you cringe, what gives you anxiety or simply do not like to do. Write down what you feel your strengths and weaknesses are. For a complete guide on how to create this list, read our article on finding your passion here.
Update your resume
Update your resume or create a brand new one. Use your past experiences BC - before children - and add all the skills you have acquired since. Think of all the stuff you did for your kids; nothing is insignificant. For example: managing a soccer team - organized, task oriented. Being a room mom in your kid’s class - great communicator, passionate, creative. Captaining a tennis team - scheduling, conflict resolution. Working part/full time in your family’s business - advertising, budgeting, tax preparation, client relations. And once you create that great resume, you can start preparing for the interview! Read our guide for how to ace your interview here.
Learn something new
Look for free or inexpensive online courses to brush up on your technical skills. A lot has changed since you worked in an office. Our favorite site is Udemy, where we received our Life Coach certificate! For more info on our 1-1 coaching services, click here.
Network yourself
Start networking, talk to other moms who are working part or full time - discuss your ideas with other women who are in the same situation, and inspire each other. Let your fear go! Talking to random moms and dads on the soccer field, or guests at a Christmas party can bring opportunities you would have never had previously. Build your community as much as possible - and say yes to whatever you can. The more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you have to grow your business and yourself.
Hopefully you found our heartfelt article useful. We would love to hear your opinion! Contact us for career advice or set up a 1-1 coaching sessions here or contact us at doubletake-lifestyle-blog.com.
