WHY I USED TINDER

You may or may not know, but I was in a 4-year long relationship which ended a few months ago. Typically, when people end a relationship they either swear off dating for months, or they go crazy and want to make out with everything in sight. Well, I was the latter. Of course, it’s easier said than done because in the modern age guys don’t just walk up to girls anymore and say “Hey beautiful, what’s your name?”. I think if a guy actually said that to a woman these days, she would automatically think he was a creeper and flee as soon as possible.

So in the 21st century, what is a girl to do when she wants to go on dates but can’t get a guy in the real world to ask her out on one? Tinder*. Maybe it’s because I can be unapproachable (the downside of having a resting bitch face), or I don’t go to the right places, but guys usually don’t just walk up and start talking to me.

Now, for those who have never used Tinder, you might think this is a dating app where everyone goes to have sex with each other. I am here to tell you that is not accurate. In the short time (few months) I spent on Tinder, I had over 43 matches, and have had 19 guys write to me (I never write first), so that’s about 45% engagement. Of those 19 men, I went on dates with five of them, two of them second dates, one of them a third date, and one of them more than three dates – considering how picky I am, that isn’t a bad conversion rate. So all-in-all, the odds aren’t that discerning, and even for those dates that didn’t turn into second dates, they were interesting and engaging nonetheless.

Myth buster: Most of the men on Tinder are not douchebags (although you have to know how to filter ladies – it is so important!) I maybe swipe right* every 50 guys, always look through their pictures, and read their bio. If they don’t have a bio, I typically swipe left, unless they are a 10. A pretty face doesn’t always equal intelligent, fun, and down-to-earth – having standards is very crucial to a successful Tinder experience.

Now to go back to the “sex” question (I know you were thinking it) - of those 19 guys that wrote to me, only 1 explicitly said that they were looking for only sex, and even then it was written in a very long, respectful, and honest message in which he described his desire for a women’s affection but not having the time for a committed relationship. I have to admit, I almost considered saying yes, as my desire for sex had started to outweigh my values, however, you can’t change a person and I am going to need a little more than a nice message to rush into bed with someone. The others however, were all interested in getting to know me, and a great deal of them even told me upfront they were looking for something serious.

Tinder is great, because you really have nothing to lose. Among the douchebags, the app is filled with like-minded men and women who also don’t have time to date, are shy, find the cultural pressure of meeting people in real life stressful, or want to find someone they know they wouldn’t meet accidentally in their everyday life. You have the option to talk to multiple people, go on dates (frequently), and really test out what you like and don’t like. Obviously this shouldn’t replace real interactions, but it’s a good layover to where you want to be, and in the process, you might even meet someone in real life when you aren’t looking - and that I can tell you from experience does happen. #singlenotsorry

*How Tinder works: you create a profile complete with pictures of yourself, age, as well as the option to add information such as your job title, where you went to school, or even write a small description about yourself using words and/or emojis. When complete, you can begin “swiping”. On the home pages, you will see one guy (or girl) at a time, and you have the option to swipe right (you like them) or left (you don’t like them). If you swipe someone right, and they also swipe your right, then you become a match. In which case either of you can write to the other to begin a conversation.

**Pictures featured are the ones that I used for my Tinder profile