LOVE OR LUST AT FIRST SIGHT...

Which one are you? The one who believes in love at first sight or the one who falls in love gradually, overtime? Do you let your dirty desires lead you or do you look for the emotional connection from the moment you meet? Let's just be honest for a moment: we all have at least one celebrity crush who we "truly" love & lust. Bond, James Bond. I could watch the sweaty Daniel Craig running around with his white shirt slightly open, (oh heck, forget the shirt) holding a gun in one hand and dodging bullets left and right all day, no matter how impossible or ridiculously unrealistic the plot is, I am hooked for life. :)

Back to reality; at this point in my life, what am I drawn to initially? Definitely a strong mental connection, an intoxicating intellectual bond, a brain challenge. Don't think looks are not important to me, of course I have certain types and standards, standards that I hold myself to and expect my love interest to as well. But in reality I would definitely forgive some physical "flaws" in order to feel fulfilled mentally and emotionally. I also do not believe in immediate love connections but I can tell from the moment I meet someone if there is even a slight possibility of that special feeling. 

BMC, (before marriage and children) in my very first relationship, physical impressions seemed to be a stronger guidance, everything else came second. I was of course very naive, I thought I could change the world, I could change the boy I loved. Hard lessons learnt very fast. No such thing as changing someone. You can try to motivate a person but the foundation has to be there to build on. So in my next relationship I decided to go for brains. It is extremely invigorating to date someone intellectually fun & challenging, especially after being in a relationship where you are not equals anymore. Where is the fun in winning every argument without even trying? :) All of a sudden you are just talking. Talking all night long, feeling mentally recharged and entertained. You fall so fast for the person's brain that you tend to forget how important it is to feel a strong physical connection as well. Another lesson learnt. Because when you are missing something, lust that is, it will find you. It will grab you at the most inconvenient and unexpected times and will not let you go. And then your world will shatter again and you realize that you need both. You simply cannot live without one or the other. 

As I am getting older, (should also mean I am getting wiser), I still tend to make the same mistakes. Perhaps it is my crazy, everything-or-nothing passionate personality that sometimes leads me down the wrong path. Do I fall in love too fast and overlook the obvious issues? I think that my overwhelmingly positive attitude contributes to the problem. Perhaps lust takes over and I make it believe that the emotional connection is there. Perhaps the emotional connection is there but equality is missing. My gosh, I am so scared of being bored. Sort of terrified of the idea of feeling lonely in a relationship with my own fun ideas and crazy thoughts. A dull life is not an option. Quick witty humor is a must. I still want it all. So how do I get there? Only by never giving up. No moral advice here really, but self examination and awareness of who I am. Realizing what makes me feel complete happiness at the end. So for me...definitely love with lust at first sight! #mommyknowsbest

I believe people believe in love at first sight. I, however, do not. I know for a fact that I cannot "fall in love" with someone just by looking at them. To me, looks are nowhere near the most important factor when loving someone. It is much more about the personality and the person I am with that would make me fall in love with them, rather than their physical features. I've often liked guys who, according to some of my friends, weren't the most attractive, but they usually had a personality trait which attracted me to them in the first place. If I'm being honest, unlike my mom, I can't say intelligence is the most important to me. I think there's a difference between someone being really smart and someone being easy to talk to. I often focus on the latter. Usually on the first date I can tell if I am going to really like someone or not by just talking to them. I have had dates where I sat across from the guy at the restaurant table and we exchanged a few words and in between taking bites of food I saw him watching the game, and this is an intelligent person we are talking about. Then there was the guy I spent 3 hours straight sitting and talking to, and although he is smart, I wouldn't consider him my most "intelligent" boyfriend. 

But back to love, a word that, for me, encompasses so many feelings and emotions- something so complex that I just don't think it's possible to feel by just looking at the person. It takes months and months of communication, physical connection, and emotional endurance before you can finally say 'I really love this person'. This cannot be accomplished within the first seconds of meeting someone. 

Lust on the other hand, is instantaneous. I believe there are some people that you just connect with on some spiritual level which makes you physically gravitate towards them. There was a guy I dated, who, even when he was in a committed relationship with a woman he loved, kissed me and told me "there is just something about you that I can't get out of my head", and I felt it too. Even though we would never be together in a relationship, we still have an attraction that I might not even have with a person I am in love with. 

The difference between love and lust at first sight comes down to your personality, and how well you know your feelings and what they mean. For some, love at first sight is possible, and for some, like me, it takes patience, time, and careful cultivation. #dianasays