WHERE WILL ALL MY SHOES FIT??

The story goes: you date people, you find someone you kinda sorta like, someone you can tolerate, you get a little serious (maybe even have a long distance relationship if you meet this person on a fun vacation or trip back home), and then....what's the next step? You're an adult. You're in a happy, healthy, committed relationship. You might even have conversations about the future with your partner. So what is there left to do? Move in together!

The thought of moving in with my boyfriend is absolutely horrifying on so many levels. Okay, this is a slight exaggeration, I obviously would not have agreed to this if I didn't want it myself. But as someone who has never lived with a boyfriend, it can be just as scary as exciting. What is it going to be like? Will I end up hating him? Does he have any annoying habits I don't know about? What if it doesn't work out? Who would have to leave? The questions in my head go on and on and on. Obviously, I do not want it to fail, but I live by the model "hope for the best but prepare for the worst". So that is what I have been doing. 

I guess it depends on the person you are with, but I learned that with my boyfriend he doesn't respond well when I aggressively tell him what to do (although he should know better, I am an Aries, after all). So I have a strategy where I bring up a topic or discussion ever so nonchalantly, and continue to bring up the subject over the course of a few months. Exhibit A: who will do what housework. I am a modern, feminist woman living in the 21st century with a good paying job and someone that has all her s**t together. So therefore, I do not believe I should have to do all the housework. I truly believe everything should be split in half. Of course my boyfriend wasn't the most enthusiastic about the idea of him having to clean and mop and maybe cook, but like I said, I had a full proof, slow and steady strategy which was going to get me to where I wanted to be. My patience and determination paid off big time, and my boyfriend agreed to sit down with me and make a list of who would do what chores. Of course, I was not satisfied with just a list, I made him SIGN the paper, and I plan on keeping it safe and tucked away. This way, I always have it written down and (hopefully) everyone will  keep their part of the bargain so we can have a happy household :)

Now, we still have a month before we actually move in together, so we will see what happens when it actually gets to that point. I am sure we will have a plethora of more "discussions" before and during the move. Where will all our stuff fit? How are we going to divide the closet space? (Because goodness knows I have several pairs of shoes, and boots, and sandals, and heels, and converse...). Are we going to annoy each other? Will I get sick of him? These are all questions I will hope to have the answers to. Until then I will continue to worry, make him write and sign contracts, and start packing up all my damn shoes. #dianasays

Dividing the closet space??? OMG, I haven't laughed this hard for a long time. Let me tell you, with my daughter's amount of clothing and admirably massive shoe collection, there is nothing to divide. Her boyfriend might as well invest in separate storage space for himself. Joking aside, I absolutely love the way Diana is going about her new adventure. In my opinion, it is a great idea to talk about our expectations of each other, how we imagine our lives together when moving in. Even though not everything will happen exactly how we planned it out,  it is still very helpful to have our goals discussed before the "big step" so it can help resolve the problems along the way. Including finances, which is a must. It will just make your lives together easier to manage, definitely less surprises along the way.

Back in my days, these kinds of talks did not really exist. I came from a very traditional model even though my father took on some "female" tasks in our house, such as ironing, which I thought was pretty strange. But overall, he was the handyman of the family, he would always work on some sort of project, fixing things around the house. Took care of everyone's car problems, extended family included. He helped my mother with shopping, every Saturday morning at the market carrying all the bags full of fresh fruits, meat, eggs and whatever we needed for the rest of the week. Now, cooking and baking was a task my father would never ever touch. Neither the dishes, sadly to my dismay, because being the only female daughter I had the pleasure of cleaning up after those huge Sunday lunches. Did I mention we did not have a dishwasher?

So, when I moved in with my then boyfriend/now ex husband, I was 22 and even though I worked full time, I resigned myself to the traditional roles. Except, he did not grow up like me so he had no clue about my expectations of the male role in the family. I slowly took all those roles over, being fortunate enough of having a very good teacher in my dad, who made sure I was able to handle all the power tools. After getting married and starting our family, we made the decision of me staying at home concentrating on raising our kids and running the household. The years flew by and before I realized it, I did not only do the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids but I became the handy-woman as well, assembling furniture, painting rooms, grouting tiles and the list goes on. I had dinner ready every night at 7, table set. Made sure all the kids finished their homework, were taken and picked up from schools, sometimes 3 different ones, taken to and from all the after school sports activities. Yes, all three played sports, sometimes two different ones each. I think I realized too late in my life that there was no equality in our lives. All of a sudden I started feeling resentful and my complaining did not achieve the desired change or desperately needed help.

If I had to do it all over again, I would definitely follow my daughter's example and set the rules early on. Have numerous discussions to figure out what we can do to help each other, how we can make sure neither of us feels that only one of us is taking on the majority of the tasks to run a family's everyday life smoothly. I am excited about Diana and Gabor moving in together. They are taking the right steps towards a very healthy relationship. They are laying the foundation of a strong base for resolving issues and disagreements in the best way possible. Whether it works out or not, no one can tell but you always hope for the best and with a start like this, their chances are much better to a happy and balanced life. #mommydearest