SINGLE, BLACK, JEWISH TRANSGENDER SEEKING ROOMMATE...

In the last few weeks we heard nothing else but the controversies over the bathroom gender issues. Friends and acquaintances passionately posted on social media, expressing their opinions about the problem, giving advice to each other. Sometimes in ways that are not so constructive. Ridiculous videos and picture memes emerged by the minute trying to prove someone's point of view. Frankly, as far as I am concerned, I am happy to share the bathroom with any gender, race or religion. As long as the private space is closed, no wholes to peak in. Let me tell you, the first time I used a public bathroom in the States, I was mortified with the space on the top and bottom and each side, giving you a glimpse of the person squatting over the toilet on the inside. I grew up with bathroom doors that closed fully, floor to ceiling, no chance of catching someone's eyes as they try to figure out if the stall is empty or not. In dire need, I have used men's bathroom countless times, we all know how long the lines are in the women's "powder rooms", so consequently I have no issues of having bathrooms designated to absolutely everyone. In the middle of election season, refugee crisis all over World, just to mention couple of the thousands of issues affecting our lives daily, I just think it is a complete waste of our time to make a big deal about something seemingly so simple. Whether you chose to sit on it, stand in front of it, or just hoover over, I am comfortable. As long as we all wash our hands next to each other afterwards...

Another interesting difference I noticed when I came to America first was the fact that people openly asked you about your religion. Whether you have one, and if yes, which church you belong to and visit regularly. Considering Americans feel it is very insensitive and invasive to ask you about your salary and financial well-being, it's interesting that they feel very entitled to question you about your religious affiliation. I have to admit, I always felt judged for my liberal views. Hungary is the clear opposite in my view, everyone wants to know how much you make, often putting you into a very uncomfortable situation, but on the other hand, nobody cares if you go to church or not. Despite the fact that I have many friends who practice different religions, believe in different Gods, I myself am not affiliated or felt the need to belong to any kind of an organization. Probably due to a very unconventional upbringing regarding religion, I feel I am a spiritual woman but not religious one. I have learned the hard way of the backlash of sharing my views and opinions with some people throughout the years. Of course my friends are excluded, but in general I find Americans very judgmental regarding religion. I can get along with anyone, I enjoy discussing someone else's views and beliefs with great respect, as long as I don't feel that I am being recruited. I admire people who chose to live by certain standards and convictions, as long as they understand and accept mine as well.

Growing up in Hungary in the 70's and 80's, was not exactly a diverse society. Living in a socialist country, we practically didn't have any foreigners among us, people from western countries, especially people with different races. It was a very white dominant nation, although surprisingly one of my childhood friends was from a mixed marriage, Hungarian mom and Ethiopian dad, resulting in 4 gorgeous daughters with different shades of darker skin, one of them being my friend. I do remember specific occasions when kids would beat her up just for being distinctive. Thank goodness for our education and popular TV shows, otherwise we might have thought white was the only race. I was lucky enough to travel a lot both with my parents and my dance group and saw a completely different world. I was fortunate enough to be exposed and make friends of different cultures and races. Even though in Hungary and throughout Europe the big issues of course were being Jewish or being a Gypsy. Due to the horrid memories of WWII, being Jewish was not something you would openly discuss and admit. People were afraid, and believe it or not, some are still afraid. Coming to America opened me up to a different kind of acceptance and a feeling of freedom; finally being able to discuss and openly embrace my family's heritage. But even though America is way ahead of Hungary in terms of accepting one and another, I had a chance to travel through the country from coast to coast a few times and it is still shocking to see and experience the hatred human beings can show towards another person, regarding their race, gender or religion. Whether you are Black or White, Asian or Arabic, believe in God or Allah or only believe in yourself, whether you are a woman or a man or gay or lesbian or undecided, I will always share the bathroom with you. #mommydearest

I had the complete opposite experience as my mom, probably because we did things the other way around. She grew up in Hungary and then moved to the States whereas I was basically raised in the States and then moved back to Hungary as an adult. Although generally conservative, San Diego is a very ethnically and culturally diverse town, filled with a lot of Mexicans, Asians, African Americans, Europeans, and Native Americans. I saw all kinds of races and was friends with all kinds of people: black, gay, Jewish, and Asian. For me, I don't see a difference when I look at someone who is "different" than me, probably because I don't see them as different. Although, I can also look at it like everyone is difference, hence there is no other person exactly like me. And that's really what makes life beautiful. I distinguish people from being good or bad and not by the color of their skin or the God they do or don't believe in. 

Moving to Hungary has been somewhat of a tough transition in this aspect. Although I visited every year, I didn't realize just how racist and culturally insensitive people were here until I moved back. Hungary is extremely nationalist, and they want very little to do with people that are not Hungarian blood. That is why the refugee crisis was such a big deal here. There was not one time I could have a conversation with someone without them bringing it up. Most of them were horrified to hear that I actually went to volunteer at one of the train stations in Budapest where the refugees were arriving from Southern European, helping them find shelter, food, and toiletries for their short stay until they could get on another train or hop the boarder over to Austria to be in Western Europe. Why would I help people that aren't Hungarian? Why would I help people who are dirty and rude? Why would I help people when we have plenty of Hungarian people to help first? These are the questions I got on a daily basis. Some people praised me, but even those who believe in helping them wouldn't have done it themselves for fear. I was afraid too. But at the end of the day, the idea of people traveling thousandths of miles away from their homes, leaving all their belongings, even family members behind, to find a better life in a time of war and crisis, really trumps all the fear I had. This gave me a whole new perspective on the situation. 

Hungary is a little behind on accepting people of different races, and they often make bigot comments that they think is okay and natural, because "everyone else does it". I have had several arguments with people, even at one point ending up getting emotional, because I feel so strongly about treating everyone as equal and accepting people for who they are rather than what they look like. I am determined to change the way people think here, even though I received some good advice from my mom in which she said I have to understand how people grew up here and often it isn't their fault but the surroundings they grew up in. I know this to be true, but it is still so hard to accept. But I guess I have no choice and I have to wait for the world to evolve, because as I tell everyone here, they will see, that one day, we will live in a world where everyone is equal and what matters is who you are on the inside rather than what you look like on the outside. #patientlywaiting #dianasays