It’s been real. You were good to me throughout the years, even with your overacting “enthusiasm” causing me so much pain. But it is time to part ways. Our relationship became extremely toxic. So much so that you need to die. Not a long, painful demise but a fast, painless death. I need my freedom and independence back, I am ready to take on what life throws at me without you in it. I am a strong woman, I do not need you anymore!

First we dread it, as we associate it with getting older. Then we passionately hate it because of all the side effects, all the unpleasant symptoms we are experiencing day and night. Then we finally accept it, ready for it to be completely over with, and proudly embrace our new state of mind and body as we gracefully march into menopause.

I wish I could say I was there already but it seems as if my sufferings are not over yet. I always had a love/hate relationship with my ovaries as they were over-active, hence my 3 beautiful children. But they also caused me lots of physical pain, having terrible periods with painful cramping and a heavy flow. I was always super regular, you could set a Swiss watch after my cycle. But after having my babies, all of a sudden my ovulation became my curse. I developed cysts all over my ovaries which caused me excruciating pain for days during ovulation. After numerous ultrasounds and consults with my doctor, I decided I did not want to remove my ovaries at 35, so instead went on the pill to trick the little bastards. It seemed to be working fine for a very long time.

The shit hit the fan about four or so years ago. First I developed light adult acne. Seriously, WTF? I started stealing my teenager’s concealer to cover my regular breakouts which I had no idea what was causing it. Then I talked to one of my girlfriends, as most of my friends were a little older and already went through menopause, and she casually stated: you are probably in perimenopause and having adult acne as one of its possible side affects. I was like, wait a minute, I am too young for that, right? Well, doing a little research, it turns out, you can be in perimenopause for about 8-10 years before menopause. You got to be kidding me!!!! The numbers did not look good for me, this could take for an eternity!

As no other symptoms creeped up, I did put it out of my mind for the time being, I even tried to ditch the pill for a very short second but the minute I started ovulating with excruciating pain, I knew I was not there yet. Soon after, my skin periodically started to act up again, developing strange dry spots around my eyes, my skin literally peeling off my face for a week or two. By eliminating all other causes such as my skin care routine or diet, I realized my changing hormone levels caused this very unsightly change in my skin texture. But thankfully it did go away eventually and even though it comes back occasionally, I am prepared with heavier face creams. Then all of a sudden one night I woke up soaking as someone dropped a bucket of water on me in my sleep. First I thought OMG I have some sort of a disease. Funny, perimenopause did not cross my mind…Let me tell you, the whole experience is dehumanizing. You wake up sweating like an animal. Your pillows and your sheets are drenched, you have to strip naked in the middle of the night and put on dry clothes, and in my case, luckily move over to the other side of the bed, courtesy of having my California King to myself. What do women do who are living with their husbands or partners? Do they move to the couch or sleep on the floor? Again, luckily this only happens once in a while. And I do not have daytime hot flashes…just yet. Oh, did I mention hair loss? Another lovely side effect of your hormones taking control of your body. That moment when you take a shower and you see a handful of your dark hair all over your bathtub and want to sob as you are terrified of becoming completely bald in a week. Again, thankfully this is occasional, not an everyday occurrence.

Let’s talk about the other ugly M word: metabolism. Well, just kiss it goodbye. Harsh? Yep, but so true. I am generally very active and work out plenty, play tennis, walk a lot. I also eat healthy food as I cook most of the time and use fresh ingredients, no processed food in our kitchen, hopefully you tried some of our delicious recipes. But…and not sure how to put this delicately: you take food in, but “it” does not seem to come out. You know what I mean…bathroom struggles. It’s like your body just hugs it so tight, it would not let go. Instead it settles everywhere and the smallest piece of chocolate cake will make you gain another pound. And if you want to get rid of a few extra calories, it will take you 100 times the effort as it did before. So freaking unfair!

What else, forgetfulness, migraines…not sure if I get a migraine from trying to remember something too hard, or forgetting stuff because of having massive migraines. Either way, both are recurrent events in my ever changing life. So, how do we survive this unpleasant part of our womanhood? I am no expert by any means, especially that according to my gynecologist I am not even in full menopause yet. Please, cry with me. But I would like to share with you some of the things that have been helpful for me so far.

Visit your doctor regularly

Your doctor should always be your first reference. Do not miss your yearly well-women exams, pap-smears, breast mammograms included. Ask for extra tests if you feel like they are missing something or you are concerned. We have so much happening in our lives, no need to worry about what ifs, get it checked, no matter how little your issues might seem. Be open with your doctor, do not leave out details you might think are embarrassing. They heard it all, seen it all. Use their knowledge to your advantage, put your mind at easy.

Plan a “happy hour” with your Girlfriends

As our friends tend to be around the same age as ourselves, give or take, we are all going through similar changes in our lives. While sipping on your Rose, ask if anyone experienced pain during sex and how they dealt with it. Or if they have massive migraines and wild mood swings like wanting to kill someone (mostly the husbands). No need to ask whether anyone had hot flashes as you can see the ones fanning themselves with their napkins frivolously. But seriously, your girlfriends are the best, you can be silly together, you can be serious and cry on each other’s shoulders. You all had, have or will have similar issues that some already found a cure for and it might work for you too. And sometimes it just helps to let it all out knowing you are not alone on this journey.

Follow a healthy lifestyle

I know this seems like a cliche but more than ever, in this phase of our lives it is very important that we figure out what helps us keep a healthy metabolism. What triggers our migraines. What food causes us stomach pain and gas. I personally adore food. I cook a lot and enjoy tasty meals, I believe in real butter, olive oil and salt. I love carbs, which means I cannot live without pasta, bread and chocolate. Having a balanced diet is not about losing weight but being healthy and feeling good about ourselves. It is also completely personal. What works for me, might not work for you. But be willing to change your lifestyle if you feel like you are stuck in a rot. Lately I realized that for me it was not necessarily what I eat but when I eat it. As I indicated, I have zero will power when it comes to food. I have to have my bread, pasta, and rice but instead of eating these kinds of meals for dinner, I eat it for lunch. It made a huge difference for me in the last few months. I finally feel like I am more in control. I did not give up anything, still have my glass of wine, (occasionally two) at night, but I do opt for lighter meals in the evenings such as salads, broth based soups or vegetables. Nutella is my downfall though…cannot imagine anything better than a warm crepe filled with Nutella, fresh strawberries and whipped cream. This makes me extremely happy, no matter of the consequences which I accept to face.

Be physically active

Again, another boring statement but we all know “healthy body healthy mind”. For me exercise is a great stress reliever. I used to tell my kids that the reason they are still alive is because I do workout in the mornings and have a glass of wine at night to help me survive parenting 24/7. But seriously, exercise does not have to be going to the gym and running on the treadmill. Or lifting weights and jump roping for an hour. So boring! Do something that gives you pleasure (besides sex). I love dancing and enjoy the type of activity where I do not have time to think about what I am making for dinner or what I have to accomplish throughout the day. I need complicated routines, as it helps me clear my mind completely. I do a lot of difficult choreographed step dance classes, as well as functional interval training because it is fast-paced and never boring. Of course, I love tennis as I am a true competitor (and a sour loser). Whoever said winning is not better than losing? Whether your jam is yoga or pilates, or running in the park, choose what makes you feel happy and after your workout makes you feel satisfied. Never settle for one kind of an activity because your body needs diversity and your mind needs challenge. Whatever you choose, make sure you build your deeper core muscles - this is so important for us women - and concentrate on safety as we get injured easier and healing takes longer. It is essential that you listen to your body.

Take supplements, vitamins and natural remedies

Now, to be honest I am not huge on taking any kind of pills, for years the only thing I took was Vitamin C. Later I added Turmeric as it is an anti inflammatory supplement as my body seems to be inflamed all the time. Again, I believe this is all personal. I did my own research and talked to some doctors as well. Some were convinced we need extra vitamins such as women’s daily or similar multivitamins, others thought it was absolutely useless. Whatever you feel like you are missing in your diet and you can supplement it with Vitamins, explore. Try it out to see if it works for you. Give it some time though to experience the effects, it does not happen overnight. With regards to menopause medications/supplements I do not have huge experience as of yet. I am taking hormones in the form of the birth control pill which according to my gynecologists might lessen the effects of perimenopaouse but I think I would opt out of hormone replacement after I reach full menopause. I will look for natural products to supplement my diet. What I started taking for the last few months and is having visible effects on me is Collagen powder. I am using two different kinds of Vital Protein products, one is a tasteless powder which can be added to literally anything, such as tea, coffee, any kind of food or baked goods -you actually need to do the baking, sprinkling it on is not advised. The other one is strawberry lemon flavored, and I simply add it to my water. It promotes healthy skin, hair and nail growth. Also helpful for your joint health, elasticity. Try to find a collagen supplement that has hydrolyzed collagen in it as it is easier for your body to digest and put to use faster. My nails are much stronger, I did not notice any real skin change, but I also have lots of new hair growth especially in the forehead area which I am very happy about.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading our article. If you have any questions, suggestions, or you would like to share your own story, or would like to set up one-on-one coaching sessions, feel free to reach out to us here or at doubletake.lifestyle@yahoo.com